My confidence is poor, I've become a bore. All these feelings I never dealt with before. I'm your attention whore straight to the core, but still can't unlock your door. You disapprove of the reason I'm sore so you disassemble my rapport and grind my feelings into dust on the floor, but with a rebel yell my masochist keeps screaming MORE!!
I've got a burning envy inside, but no choice not to abide by the rules and laws that change with the tide. So I sit here with my hands to the side, all teary-eyed, and swim laps in the pool I cried because the truth is I lied. And even though I'm not dignified I don't have to hide from the feelings that I find difficult to confide.
Then the bottom falls out and my heart drops, all emotions come to a stop. Everything in my life suddenly flip-flopped and I'm no longer on top.
Nothing is as it seems to be and all this change confuses me. I thought for once that I could be free, but that only happens mentally and I don't have the capacity to fight for it continually. But that was something I couldn't see, it just sneaked up gradually. Now I have a hole in my heart times three.
Blinding darkness reverts me to my previous state and I leave my destiny up to fate, the consequences are too great. So I just close my mouth around your bait, solemnly for the hook I'll wait, silently feeding off your hate until at last there is no escape and the damage comes too late for me to calculate and I finally learn to appreciate.
Thursday, April 7, 2011
Oh the mistakes I have made, how they invade, reverberating in my head, intruding on me in my bed. They haunt my reality and distort actuality until my mirror shows my poisoned self instead. Retribution for rebellion, lost to me a daughter and son, the price I paid when the devil won. But, alas, I let him in, while I was bathing in my sin. Let us go back to where it begins. Betraying myself for liquor and lust, the consequences were never discussed. Burning bridges back to sanity, inflicting liability, I paved the road, betrayed my own trust, despite my own forebode of leaving ashes in my dust. The cross I bear is product of my lack of care, the burden is mine to wear for all the world to see. The creator of my demise is me.
Truths told through lying lips, begging me to come to grips with the reality unfolding in my world of make-believe. Expired devotions of kept emotions given due dates and forming planned escapes. Empty promises for future plans that hold no water in their hands, alone is not so bad. If it came to be that I had an opportunity to be ironclad would my heart survive the damage from your retribution, my mind my own institution. The bars on this prison cannot hold my insanity or protect my soul from calamity. Melancholy catastrophe, punctuated with misery producing misleading dreams of fantasy that never really come to be. Realization of the Grand finale, and in avoidance of regret, exit, stage left…
Monday, April 4, 2011
...This is my attempt at a blog strictly for my poetry... I have been writing poetry since I was about 14 years old. I started writing poetry because it was the easiest way for me to get my emotions out. It was never intended for anyone eyes but my own. I let my mom read them but only for her opinion, and she took it upon herself to submit a few of them into contests. I have had 3 of them that I know of actually published, one put to orchestrated music, one done in braille. I never received any royalties, but that is not why I agreed to have them published anyway, so it didn't matter. Over the years I have been very self conscious about my writing, but have been told many times that it is good and that I should do something with it. I have an idea to gather all of the poems I have written that I can track down and put them in a book, but I would like to get a little bit of public opinion before I make an attempt at getting them published. So this blog is my way of putting my work out there to be reviewed, in hopes of avoiding the rejection later if they are not worthy of being in print. So please feel free to comment, critique, or constructively criticize any of my works that you see posted here. Thank you for your help in this and please enjoy...